Jallen

Conversation with R 5

12:38 AM

R : Hey hey big boy.
Me : Hello.
R : Now now, stop pouting.
Me : I can't. You're leaving.
Me : Can't smile anymore than i already do.
R : Stop smiling then, it's okay to be sad.
R : Makes me feel loved.

Then. I. Had. One. Of. The. Most. Amazing. Night/hour.

R : Can you don't go home?
Me : No silly, i have school.
Me : We agreed, stick to regular lifestyle.
R : Yeah.
Me : Now now, stop pouting.
R : Awwwww.
Me : Come on, stop showing me the sad face.
Me : It's biting into me.
R : Rawr.
Me : Rawr too.
R : I'm gonna miss you the most.
Me : Me too.
R : Can i buy you a laptop at least with a webcam?
Me : NO?! My sister's laptop has got one.
R : Fine.
Me : Now smile for me.
R : -smiles-
Me : And that is all i wish for tonight.

Haha.
It's never easy to let go. Never.
But i am a big boy and big boys don't cry.
But it's hard to smile sometimes. It's really hard.

Brother failing.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009, 10:36 PM

For some amazing fucking reason, my mum and dad just scolded me for my brother's lousy results. He failed English and barely passed the rest of his subjects. He's only primary 5.

The point is, he failed big time and get this, he did not even get a word coming towards him from my parents, maybe more assignments to do each day, maybe more tuition work, but no scoldings. And in the past, when i used to get a lousy B grade, i get a heck of a yelling and probably caning.

The point is, i am not lamenting about my past. I am not whining about how i got scolded last time, cause it's the past tense and i've moved on. I'm saying how unfair it is that my dad and mum thinks it's my fault that my brother isn't doing well in his studies. And yet, when he doesn't do well i get the brunt of it all.

Fuck, holidays period and i have part time jobs and other commitments. School starts and i have to leave for school early in the morning and be home really pretty fucking late. Plainly said, i don't have time myself too. And besides, with time, who has been the one pampering my brother so badly all these while until the point that he doesn't even listen to me much.

Seriously.

Blame it on me when his studies suck but what can i do when i force him to study certain stuff and you just didn't care about it. And when you ask for my help, did i not help?
Sometimes it's really demanding cause my parents seriously doesn't think things through.

Plus it's not my fault that he just isn't good at his studies.

Fuck.

If 10 years back i would have known that the one with the better grades bear the brunt of the siblings' lousy grades, i would have fucking scored Fs for every single subject. And to think all these while all i want is a little good job coming from you but yet i get blamed for something i wouldn't think i had control over.

Thank you very much for ruining my childhood, if there ever was one.
And yes, i may be 19 but i am still your kid. Somehow other parents see that in their kids but i don't think you really do see that. He's my brother, not my son.

Somehow thanks to you guys, i can't be the nice brother that brings him out of the house and i can't be the fun brother that play games with him nor can i be the cool brother that play sports. Cause you prevented me from all of that and expected me to be one who fucking discipline him when it's your job.

Conversation with R 4

10:00 PM

R : Are you sure you're okay?
Me : Yeah, course i am. I mean, it's a fact and it always happens.
Me : Gotta face it no matter what.
R : True to that but i can always extend my stay a little longer.
Me : What good does that make?
R : I don't know.
Me : Neither do i. Let's just stick to the agreement.
R : Okay. It's for the better and the best isn't it?
Me : Yeah.
R : Promise you'll be a big boy now.
Me : I am a big boy!
Me : But i do promise.
R : I was hoping you might say no and i'll have an excuse to stay.
Me : I was hoping you might stay too, but sweetie, this ain't gonna do us good.
R : This stinks.
R : Wished where i lived is just about across the island.
Me : If it's that easy, what fun would life be, right?
R : Yeah.
R : Let's leave it to fate.
Me : Yeah, leave it to fate.
R : Stay strong, big boy?
Me : Gonna stay stronger than ever, you'll see.

They never sounded more comforting. Thanks.

Monday, November 02, 2009, 10:25 PM

For once i'm afraid of something, afraid of losing you.

You are the exact reason why i am afraid of commitment.
Cause commitment leads to a serious relationship.
And a serious relationship calls for all of me.
And now that we both know that you are flying off.
It kinda sucks big time.
Cause fuck, believe or not, it's gonna hurt.
Commitment always lead to getting hurt. ):
Which is why i hate it big time.

Something that's so precious, how can you return once you've gotten it.
):
Trying to be tough here doesn't really work when we both know where this is going.
\:
So i'm grabbing whatever chances there is left to see you.
Early morning, afternoon, night and the wee hours.

Sometimes the sweetest moment isn't dressing up for a fancy dinner. It's dressing down in slacks and cooking a home cooked meal together.

Sometimes the best moment isn't making out doing silly stuff. It's just hiding under one blanket and watching a horror movie.

And the best pillow can never beat sleeping on your laps.

The best chocolates can't beat the one you fed.

The lousiest joke can't seem any funnier the way you tell it.

And the sweetest candy just don't seem as sweet as you are.

The nicest voice can't beat the one you sing to me with.

The worse picture of you is of you leaving.

Ahh, shucks, i promised to be strong and so i will be.

Don't stay here for too long cause i might get used to you.

Pornography

2:55 AM

Hi, Jallen here. During free time, i enjoy meeting up with friends, drinking, watching comedies and pornography.

You mean photography?

No, no. Pornography. Well, yes, photography too, but i do prefer videos for porn rather than artistic pictures.

Oh...

Haha, i like what i like and i don't see a need to hide it.

Catham Islands

12:54 AM

Someday in the future, let's visit the Catham Islands at New Zealand on your birthday!

Why Catham Islands? Never heard of it.

Because it's the place with the earliest time zone in the world. And i would like to celebrate your birth as early as possible.

Halloween 2009

Sunday, November 01, 2009, 1:32 AM

Halloween 2009!

I don't know for the most of you guys but Halloween this year was one of the best make-up i've ever put on my face. I mean, the powder and paint i have had all over my face was good enough to scare any adult, lest say little kids! Haha. And i even ~~stole~~ borrowed (without returning) a white shirt from somewhere and made it into my Zombie doctor costume.

It's really cool.

In fact, the fun wasn't just at the party itself, nor was it at the food :P
It's actually the preparation we had prior to the party. Cause you see, we even had to rush down last minute to grab some more stuff so that it'll be a totally awesome party and along the way we bought more add-ons to our costumes.

We look so professional right! :D

And the make up process, was totally hilarious! The kids came in and saw us and ran out yelling they want some on their faces too. Haha. And even the adults came in and helped us with the make up, imagine that! Totally bonding session yo.

Trust me, acrylic paint (red + brown) make the best blood. Kinda easy to get off too!

The results of the entire make up process (which took an hour at least!)
The Vampire (Felicia), Joker (Junming) and Zombie (me!)

Hahaha! You can see even my grandma was pretty hip in terms of a western culture :)
And there are adults in the above picture yo. :D

And of course with this make up and all, we didn't stay in the room all day! We had a little walk around the neighbourhood and freaked some people out too! Kids ran up to me and asked to take my picture! Some secretly hide behind the walls to snap a picture and most just hid behind their parents, it's totally hilarious.

Even some adults are freaked out. There's this lady who looked down all the way without wanting to look at me and tried to avoid me, haha. Damn. If only they were paying me to scare people and take pictures. Lol.

There's this lady who wanted a picture of us! So we posed and she was going "you guys are total freaks!" And for once a year, this phrase is actually a compliment of sorts. Lol.

Check out the little kids behind too! Freaking adorable! :D You can just steal one home! Haha, kidding.

So anyway, we were trekking along the carpark area of the condominium and this auntie saw us, yelled ahhh and went back into the car. Of course being assholes, we stood there and waited for her to alight, which she finally did and she laughed. Haha. Halloween makes people really friendly! I like.

So with this stuff going on, you might wonder, how do i eat and drink. Well, nothing can stand in the way between food and me! So ta dah!

Drinking is already a chore by itself, imagine having to eat pizzas and stuff x) But i did it anyway and will find a picture of me eating if i can. Lol.

And whoever said Zombies are behind times are wrong.

It's really an awesome night :) Totally love pimping myself out! Haha! And oh, i have no idea how many people have my picture :| But please don't put funny captions on the pictures and circulate them around. Lol. Thanks!

Have a spankin' good night and happy Halloween peeps! :)
Nights!

Dear Regulars...

Friday, October 30, 2009, 12:55 AM

You know what i don't like a whole lot? Getting into situations. Not like scenarios and all, but i don't like getting into arguments and displeasure between people. In short, i tend to hate to meddle in other people's businesses.

But guess what else i don't like more.

I loathe seeing friends being unhappy with each other, and yet, i can't do anything to alleviate the whole issue or at least i can't help them solve the differences. It sucks being friends with both sides, listening to different issues and yet, knowing that both parties won't understand each side and this will go on.

In short, i loathe the feeling of helplessness.

And watching friendships having the possibility of breaking apart yet not being able to do something about it, it sucks.

What i enjoy most is mostly to watch the little quibbles and debates amongst friends. The healthy, regular qualms about silly issues. That's what i enjoy. I love the drama too. Like watching people argue, that's one of the few periods when people are actually smarter in life. Cause you need to think fast and think quick and think smart in your rebuttals. That's what interesting and yes, i am considerably mean.

But i hate the ones that makes it awkward and weird.
And so, before that happens, i will try to put a stop to it.

>:|

I don't know how many of The Regulars read my blog but yeah, we do have to face the fact that we aren't as close as we used to be as before. And this really sprouts from the fact that we enjoy doing one thing : Sharing secrets amongst the genders.

This really sucks cause i am like the only one not getting any secrets! Haha. Kidding. Okay, that's beside the point. I don't really want to know the secrets.

The point is actually not just a gender issue but probably cause of lack of time and stuff. Everyone's busy and all so i understand that it's kinda difficult to spend more time together. But sometimes, some of you guys just don't meet up cause distance is an issue and even though it might be to some, and sometimes time as a consideration, it will be really nice to at least try and make it or otherwise, plan something else on your own accord and so we can all meet up more often.

I mean, if it's always the few planning and the few attending, it is going to be rather discouraging to always plan again and having to mass sms, right? And of course, if it's always the few planning, we will naturally go to the places we fancy and at timing that suit us more, right?

Therefore, if you wanna go somewhere, perhaps trying planning it by sending out emails and stuff, or using the class blog (i can give you password if you forget)! So why not take turns and we each plan one event we really wanna do and lets just all show support and attend the event? (Yeah, our clique is really THAT huge!)

Another issue is more of like, displeasure and unhappiness.

Guys, we really are being a little tad narrow minded sometimes and so let's all just be gentlemen and not be picking on little issues? I don't know if this might set anyone off but really, just calm down and think back, don't you realize that some issues we pick our little squabbles about sometimes really doesn't matter at all? You realized that in our year 1, we don't even have silent wars and anything of sorts?

Why can't we be a little more open minded and kinda adopt the "close-one-eye" mindset. Plus. We are already so close that we can even openly talk about anything under the sun anytime, why let it all go to waste?

As for the girls, you girls are a whole huge group so yeah, sometimes the one-don't-come-another-don't thingy happens. And some of you girls really do have lots of commitment (for some of you) and whatever not. I understand that too. And also, sometimes girls can share secrets and i understand that too but try not to talk about your secrets in front of us when you don't want us to know luh -.- Kinda makes us feel left out. (or me, rather, since i'm the only guy blogging about this :))

Then again, sometimes you girls should be ladies too. Being a lady doesn't refer to nibbling on cookies and drinking from a pretty tea cup wearing an evening gown under cotton laced umbrellas. I meant it in a way, try and understand that your guys in the class are kinda like girls too (not physically, but more of emotionally, i guess). HAHAHAHA. Kidding. I mean, like the new age guys, the new urbanized males, isn't it?

Okay, that's confusing for me too.
What i meant was, sometimes the guys are just trying their best to be gentlemanly and so, appreciate the little efforts and try to reciprocate? I don't know... but you roughly get the drift, right?

It takes really 2 hands to clap and in our cliques wise, a whole lot of hands to clap this huge momma.

So if neither of you wanna take the initiative, i'm taking it. Which is why i am trying to tell you peeps about it here. We both know deep down within us (unless you're really that lost) that our clique ain't as close as before, and personally, i know i wanna make it as perfect as before. So why not take a step back into the past, and try and accept each other's personalities too?

You see, we are so close, that we're comfortable enough and close enough to read each other's personalities and along the way also find out more about each other, realizing stuff that we may or may not enjoy.

So why don't we take a step back, be more accepting and try to bond as much as we did before? Especially since it's almost impossible to meet up now, and lest say the future, why not grab hold to every single opportunity we have?

Must it really take something tragic to happen for humans to learn to appreciate the values of others around them? Let's hope not :)

You know, they say that friends are the family you never had.

We do get angry with family, so its naturally understandable to get angry with friends sometimes too. And that's what trash talks are for! (Even Mr. Pras says it works - even in the working world and H&T industries!) So if there is a need to, let's gather, anytime, at the beach for a picnic and stuff, and we can have a small trashtalk and maybe schedule in a bitching session too.

It's only these little setbacks that makes us stronger, more loving and accepting and a better person. And there isn't such thing as a perfect fit in friendships. It takes a whole deal of tolerance and TLC too. So apply some here >:)

And really, if this post kinda piss you off, sorry luh.
And also, if this post kinda confuses you, sorry too.

Now i seldom say sorry twice/thrice in a row so i'm rather serious >:| Can't think of anything else atm to prove my serious-ity. Lol. I mean, i know i always tend to fool around and don't care about stuff like that, but really, let's all make the effort much alright :)

There's a reason why i tell you guys everything about my life - cause this openness, just simply pulls us closer, doesn't it :) Or at least pull me close LUH.

Conversation with R 3

Thursday, October 29, 2009, 9:08 PM

R : Why are our conversations not on your blog no more?
Me : I don't know which to put and which not to put up there.
R : Aww, just put the lovely ones.
Me : Okie dokey.

So here goes one of the most interesting conversations recently.

R : Honey, you know, i don't feel like i'm good looking enough.
R : Kinda inferior sometimes. ):
Me : Yeah, i know how you feel. ):
Me : I don't feel good looking at all.
R : This stinks.
Me : Yeah!
R : I wanna feel good looking someday, i hope.
Me : You are good looking!
Me : To me.
R : You are too!
R : To me.
Me : Yay. I feel good looking enough.
R : Same! I'm feeling good looking already!
Me : This rocks.
Me : Oh man, we are pretty vain.
R : I like being vain.
Me : Yup.
R : No wonder we're together.
Me : Ahh, yes.
R : Ahh, yes.

Hahahaha. Omfg, i heart pointless conversations.

SELF PITY

8:21 PM

Sometimes as a person, we wallow in this little pool of self pity.

It's like a pool of quick sand, sucking you in and holding you down into this pool of sand. And sooner or later, if you don't realize, you're knee deep in shit and you can't crawl out enough without staining yourself well.

I know and understand this very well.

Cause sometimes, i find myself stuck in this little waddle of self pity and that realization by itself annoys and irks me too. Cause when you're in this little pool, you tend to think that your situation is the worst of others and this somehow blinds you into seeing that what you are doing is pathetic and stupid.

I mean, yes, maybe your situation and plight is really pitiful and awful. And yes, maybe you really need to whine a little and mope about your situation but seriously, being stuck in this pool of "you don't understand me" situation, really stinks.

How do you expect others to understand when you don't explain and give them a chance to do so?

And really, your situation is never as bad as people around the world, is it? Rapes, divorces, misunderstandings from family, discrimination and whatever not, there are so many people in the world facing it too. Some people even sleep without knowing if they're going to wake up tomorrow. Some sleep wishing they will wake from the nightmare the next morning. Some even die knowing that they are going to die.

What about these people?

I know what many of you might think.

Just because there are people with much pitiful plights doesn't make this any less important and stuff. I agree. But also, because there are people with those plights, that we should view our lives in another manner and think, it could have been worse.

Thinking as such really works.

Why not improve our situations with optimism rather than griping about how bad our situation is. Why not just smile and take things into our stride instead of wondering how we're gonna escape from the bad outcomes?

So swim out of your little pool of self pity and start acting like a grown up.
Yes, you can whine to your friends but have some self control and lose those self pity in time to come.

Sorry :D

1:14 AM

For adults, underaged, elderlys and prudes, please kindly insert the word "busy" after the above picture. Thank you.

Skinny jeans

Tuesday, October 27, 2009, 9:34 PM

Ohh boy, i am so exhausted from the early 6 am waking up and the late night 4 am sleeping. It's seriously insane sleeping 2 hours and catching up on my sleep during bus rides cause i've been missing my stops for three times this week already! It's annoying how each time i wake up, i wonder, where the hell am i? Before realizing the fact that i overslept on my stop and have to alight and walk home. Ughs.

Then sleeping in tutorials is worse off cause apparently i am impervious to noises when i sleep. So until the incessant knocking of my table, i am still knee deep in slumber land. And it's totally embarrassing cause the whole class will then be watching you sleep and when you're sleeping, you don't really know if you're looking glam or not.

Well, tonight i am gonna be a great child and sleep early. For your information, 12 am is considerably EARLY for me so i guess til then, i will still be online! Haha.

Anyway, if i am not wrong, it's shopping season around Singapore once again cause shops and all have been giving really great discounts. And even if they're clearing stocks, buying one thing will never go wrong - bottoms. Jeans, berms and whatever you're wearing down under never goes out of fashion. Besides, it goes well with most tops unless you smartly buy a pair of horrible looking jeans or shorts like, polka dots or something.

For some odd reason, polka dots irk me a great deal - for guys only. Like, guys wearing dots kinda annoys me. Unless you're able to pull it off well (then kudos to you), you're just gonna look like a clown and i don't like clowns very much. They are horrible scary creatures but that's another thing to talk about.

Back in fashion, i think, is checkered shirts. It's seriously coming back and still going on strong. Besides, checkered shirts are always in this really bright colors, so, i love. :D

R : You should get more skinny jeans! Like the one you bought recently.
Me : Why? Cause i look skinnier? I was thinking straight cut jeans next!
R : You do look slimmer but i want you fatter.
R : And you're not straight so don't wear straight cuts.
R : It's for douche bags and are kinda out of fashion.
Me : You're stereotyping fashion, not very nice huh.
Me : And why should i trust your fashion taste?
R : Cause i dress nice (he does) and i'm gay. We have the BEST fashion sense in us.
Me : Fine.
R : Perfect.
R : And oh babe, skinny jeans are tight... (grins)
Me : Hahahaha! I'm gonna get more of it then. (grins)

Haha. Dirty conversations are way awesome! Even shopping leads to filth. Tsk tsk. So you guys are wondering who teaches me all the dirtiness within my mind? Lol.

Thanks for reading, or browsing, or just reading this particular thank-you line.
Bye!

An ad i love

12:36 AM

I love this advertisement so much, i'm posting it up on facebook, twitter and my blog! :D
That's how awesome it is and even though some might disagree (fuck you), i still love it. If you really don't understand the advertisement, it's really pretty simple.

Love is equal and so should marriage too.

Twittering & me